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malice in wonderland

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would — Alice in Wonderland
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  • The original post only has US helplines. I've added UK helplines underneath. It would be great if people could add numbers from everywhere in the world.
  • Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
  • Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
  • LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
  • Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
  • Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
  • Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
  • Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
  • Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
  • Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
  • Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253
  • Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453
  • UK Helplines:
  • Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail
  • Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111
  • Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail:
  • Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463
  • b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail:
  • b-eat youthline (for under 25's with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)
  • Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail:
  • Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600
  • Drinkline: 0800 9178282
  • Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail
  • Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight
  • India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614
  • India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669


Eduardo Berliner. Woman with Dog, 2009. Oil on canvas, 200 x 150 cm.

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.

HAWMC Day 2 – Introductions

Me: Hi, My name is Kat, and I am an illness hoarder. (You: Hi Kat!)

Because I am indecisive and an illness hoarder, I carry not one, but four diagnoses: Crohn’s Disease, Fibromyalgia, Depression, and PTSD. They are all rather lovely, and I coudn’t decide, so I chose them all! Haha.

This year marks my 2nd participation with HAWMC, and my 2nd year as a health activist. I’m not a formal activist in the sense that I’m bringing about anything other than awareness to my illnesses, via my blog. I guess my writing makes me a health activist.

I write about my health because it helps raise awareness about: Crohn’s Disease, Fibromyalgia, Depression, and PTSD,  from a personal perspective, that goes beyond the “textbook case” of the diseases, by humanizing them. These chronic, debilitating, life-threatening illnesses don’t just affect the body, but the whole person, and even beyond the person, the person’s surroundings, loved ones, friends. So far writing has been a cathartic experience for me. The ease with which I have written these pieces has surprised me, as it tells me that I have kept my feelings bottled up for far too long. The fact that these pieces flow out of me so easily reinforces my decision to write about my health. I have something to say that needs to be told. I have been silent for far too long, which has affected my mental health. Repressing my feelings is one of the symptoms of my depression. It is my hope that I can begin the healing process by writing about my health, to help me get closure on what I’ve been through in the past, as well as to help me grow.

I write about my health because it helps me connect with others.  I’ve tried to be as open as possible, in the hopes that others can relate to what I’m going through. To help them see that they are not alone, to help ME see that I’M not alone. To not only raise awareness, but HOPE. The responses and support I’ve received thus far have been great. I’ve heard from fellow Crohnies who find something in what I’ve written to which they can relate, which then opens up a discussion. And by talking about what we are going through, we begin the healing process. We see that we are not alone, we help each other cope, we feel hope, we feel encouraged, and the healing process is set in motion.

Some of my old posts that I feel capture my  identity as a Health Activist and about my condition,
include the following:

  • #HAWMC Day 5: Ekphrasis Post - in which I reflect on having looked death in the face because of complications following a surgery to treat my Crohn’s disease.  
  • HAWMCDay20: There Is No Miracle Cure- in which I reflect upon there being no miracle cure for my illnesses, specifically Crohn’s Disease, and all the feelings that arise as a result of living with an incurable disease. 

 ” I write because there is a voice within me that will not be still.” - Sylvia Plath

I too have a voice within me that demands to be heard. We all have a voice, we all have our stories, and we deserve to be heard. I choose to use my experience as a tool to transform myself and grow. And each day I feel myself growing stronger and transforming into a chronically awesome individual who amongst other things, happens to have a chronic illness. I am discovering my gifts and talents. I have a chronic illness, but it does not have me. And that is a very powerful feeling.


Make love 
like you have no 
like you’ve 
never been 
never been 
like the world 
don’t owe you a 

~ Warsan Shire 

(via kararikue)

Women, regardless of their race, creed, color or political affiliation, have the right to participate in the revolutionary struggle in any way that their desire and capacity determine.

Women have the right to work and receive a fair salary.

Women have the right to decide the number of children they have and care for.

Women have the right to participate in the matters of the community and have charge if they are free and democratically elected.

Women and their children have the right to Primary Attention in their health and nutrition.

Women have the right to an education.

Women have the right to choose their partner and are not obliged to enter into marriage.

Women have the right to be free of violence from both relatives and strangers.

EZLN (“Zapatista”) Women’s Revolutionary Law (via saandusti)

(via anarcho-queer)


Unbelievable. Exxon’s duck-killing pipeline won’t pay taxes to the oil spill cleanup fund.


“Two fifth grade boys, aged 10 and 11, have been ruled competent to stand trial in juvenile court for conspiring to rape and kill their female classmate, and possibly murder other students as well. They were arrested after a classmate saw them playing with a knife on the school bus and reported it to a teacher.”

nope, no such thing as rape culture and how it affects us all. nothing to see here. nothing at all.

not worth noting either that neither boy has been diagnosed with a mental illness, but jezebel, awesome as always, is already throwing mental illnesses and people with them under the bus.

not worth saying how we’re always looking for a way to absolve perpetrators of responsibility, either.

(via maggiemunkee)


Close corporate tax loopholes, not public schools
April 2, 2013

Chicago public schools are facing a $1 billion deficit. The corporate media would like you to believe it’s due to excessive spending and that Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s proposal to close more than 50 schools, most of them in low-income neighborhoods (mostly black & Latino), is the only solution. But the state of Illinois loses $4.8 billion annually in federal tax dollars due to corporate tax loopholes that shift profits overseas. It doesn’t take a math genius to see that simply closing these excessive loopholes would save the schools that so many kids in Chicago depend upon for their education.

These corporate tax loopholes cost us over $100 billion a year in federal tax dollars, which results in state and local budget cuts and tax hikes due to a decreased allocation of federal funds. The corporations most known for complex offshore tax avoidance schemes get these loopholes by spending millions on hiring armies of lobbyists and in campaign donations to chairmen and ranking members of tax-writing committees in Congress.

The lobbyists submit draft paragraphs of new gimmicks and loopholes to those committees. The campaign donations continue to flow toward reelection campaigns with the understanding that those who are making the donations get what they want out of their sponsored politicians. Thanks to this corrupt process, the tax code grows longer and more complex year after year, the most recent version topping out at roughly 72,000 pages.

There is already legislation on the books in both the House and Senate to close most of these loopholes and rein in roughly $60 billion a year. A small sales tax on Wall Street transactions would raise roughly $150 billion a year, more than enough to offset the cuts that are closing 50 schools. These aren’t radical solutions; they’re based on the simple premise that if you hire Americans, sell to Americans, use American public services and infrastructure and make the bulk of your profits in America, you should pay the American corporate tax rate of 35 percent.

Ever since Brown vs. Board of Education, there has been a coordinated right-wing attack on free education. The latest plot is an attempt to close public schools and turn them into low-performing, for-profit charter schools funded by Wall Street bankers and hedge fund managers. The attempts to do this are disguised as “reform,” but are really little more than an effort to bust teachers’ unions and cede public education over to the authority of big corporations.

Public schools to educate our children aren’t a burden to the state, they’re an investment. If you want more kids to grow up into responsible, successful adults who contribute to our society, and if you want lower crime rates and prison populations, investing in good public education makes sense. We need our kids to help row the canoe down the river, not throw them out while ignoring the gaping hole in the boat. It’s time to stop making our kids pay for their crisis.


Read the statement from the Chicago Students Organizing to Save Our Schools to Rahm Emanuel here.

When people are ready to, they change. They never do it before then, and sometimes they die before they get around to it. You can’t make them change if they don’t want to, just like when they do want to, you can’t stop them.
Andy Warhol  (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

(via videre-licet)

[H]ere is the difficulty: the technology is so good that the criteria for using it are likely to be steadily relaxed. That’s what seems to have happened with the U.S. Army or with the CIA in Pakistan and Yemen. The overuse of drones and the costs they impose upon the civilian population have been carefully and persuasively documented in the Stanford/NYU Clinics’ report, Living Under Drones. I will focus on only one striking example of how the moral criteria have been relaxed in order to justify the overuse and the costs. According to an article in the New York Times by Jo Becker and Scott Shane, President Obama has adopted ‘a disputed method for counting civilian casualties’ that makes it much easier to call drone attacks ‘proportionate.’ In effect, it ‘counts all military age males in a strike zone as combatants.’ If the targeted insurgent or terrorist leader is surrounded by, or simply in the vicinity of, a group of men who are, say, between the ages of fifteen and sixty (and even drone surveillance can’t be precise about that), an attack is permitted, and everyone who is killed is counted as a legitimate target. But this isn’t targeted killing.

Targeted Killing and Drone Warfare

There are ancient precedents for this sort of thing. According to Thucydides, when the Athenians captured the rebellious city of Melos, they “slew all the men of military age.” And according to the biblical book of Deuteronomy, when the Israelites besieged a city and “God delivers it into your hands…you shall put all its males to the sword.” Since the Deuteronomist goes on to exclude children, the two policies are identical. The new American doctrine isn’t the same. We are not aiming to kill all the men of military age, but we have made them all liable to be killed. We have turned them into combatants, without knowing anything more about them than their (approximate) age. That wasn’t right in ancient Greece or Israel, and it isn‘t right today.

(via theamericanbear)

(via randomactsofchaos)